remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
