call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize