My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
