There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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