just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
