i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I enjoy the company of your penis
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
