He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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