More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
