i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
