Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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