I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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