I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
