It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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