You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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