yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
