I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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