I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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