Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
