Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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