i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
