weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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