i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
