When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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