They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
