Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
