so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
