he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
