My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
