Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
