his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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