Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
