whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
