So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
