to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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