Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
