WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
