I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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