just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
