why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
