It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
