She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
