i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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