it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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