went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
