I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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