so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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