During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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