My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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