Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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