i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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