Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
