You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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