I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize