I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
