Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
