So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
