I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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