isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We need to get me chipped asap
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
