What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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