Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We need to get me chipped asap
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
