ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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