how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
