so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
