Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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