A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
