I'm jealous of your bromance
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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