So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
