y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
