She said her name was "party"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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