o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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