We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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